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It is Sunday and I am going to have a relaxing day as Susan. I started getting ready at noon as I have no real plans other than laundry, some house cleaning and yes cleaning the kitchen. Now years ago before I started going out and only dressed at home, I would do housework as Susan but now days I really want to go out when I am Susan and I leave the housework to my male self but today I thought why not and as a reward Susan will get to go to Starbucks for a little while. I was all ready by a little after 1 and then the work started. Put my first load of laundry in the wash and did some light vacuuming, yes, I didn’t want to work too hard as I didn’t want to sweat as that is something Susan doesn’t like. I finished that and cleaned the kitchen and got my second load of laundry going. Now this may seem boring and it is but I always talk about going shopping and being able to do that normal daily activity makes me feel Susan is a part of my daily life I figured I should also do some work. It was a little after 3 and I decided to take a break and go to the Starbuck near my house.

I got to Starbucks and went in and yes, they were busy inside but there were 2 small tables along the window open so I set my computer on one and went and ordered my drink. I started my computer and it was good I got this table as I had forgot to plug in my computer last night when I got home and the battery was almost dead. Now I worked on my blog from Saturday which I will post later tonight and then just spent some time on my computer which is probably what I would have done at home. Now as I typed I could see my nails and yes, they do have a definite pinkish tint to them and yes, I love the look of them but am very aware people who look at my nails will know I have polish on them and this got me thinking. Why do I like this so much, how can how I dress make me feel so good? It really makes no sense as yes as I sit here and can see my nails and my ring on my figure but that is it. I can’t see my makeup and I really am not paying attention to my clothes. I spent a little time thinking about that and what makes me who I am.

As long as I can remember I have loved makeup and the way it look on woman and how it can enhance or even change how they look. For me just thinking about doing my makeup or getting my nails done gives me a calming feeling. I have had my toenails painted for probably 16+ years and really no one sees them especially during the winter. I get up in the morning and take my shower and yes at that point I can see the pretty color and then I put on socks and shoes and they are covered up till I get ready for bed at night and remove my socks and I always thought why do I paint them but it comes back to that calming feeling. Even though I can’t see them I know they look pretty and that has the same effect on me. I think that is why I have been keeping my fingernails so nice the last few years and why when Anna put the clear pink on yesterday, I didn’t stop her as for me it will be a visual reminder of Susan. yes, other people will see it and know I have polish on but I am guessing they won’t say anything as it is a very subtle shade. I imagine if I walked in with a bright red or hot pink there would be at least some questions.

As I sat here thinking about it, I started wondering who decided what was feminine attire. Looking back through history men use to wear eye liner, heels and yes even corsets. It is only in the modern (enlightened) times that this has changed. Now I will admit women in general look better wearing this stuff then your average man but still why does society look different on this. I got thinking about where I work and I would say 1/3 or more of the men have pierced ears including me now but the difference is the men wear a simple stud and the women can wear hoops or dangly earrings. A couple of the males wear nail polish and no one thinks anything about it but it is black polish they wear and their nails are just trimmed neatly not shaped nicely or long where woman can have long perfectly shaped nails in all the bright pretty colors. Now of course this is a change as 10 years ago I didn’t work with any males who wore nail polish and very few of the men had pierced ears so there is hope going forward.

Now I know a few of our girls in the group have nice nails, Julie has had beautiful perfectly shaped nails with dipping powder on them in a pale pink shade for a few years and has had no problems. Jan actually has a full set of acrylic nails almost ¼ long with some pretty bright colors and no problems. At dinner the other night Claire was talking about getting her nails done in lighter colors and not worrying what people think and of course I have nice nails also that are now a pretty see-through pink and we all live part of our lives as males. I think the more we and others do this it will become more common and acceptable. It is the same reason I like to go out and why we do the dinners. The more we are out and interacting with people the more common it will become for them to see a transgender person out and see we really are no different from them.

Early on I always viewed this side of me as a private part of who I was, something I did for me and it really is but I have also come to learn it is also something I do to introduce other people to transgender people and with that comes a little more responsibility as I realize how I act and come across to people when I am out on Susan will help form their opinion of transgender people so I need to set a good example. Now I am not saying we shouldn’t go out and have a good time but we do need to be aware that people are watching us and forming opinions good or bad. It goes back to that question what do you remember and most people can go someplace like a restaurant and have 10 good experiences and if they have 1 bad one that is what they tend to remember. I have gone to so many nails salons over the years and always been treated wonderful and almost always they do a wonderful job but in reality, I can remember 3 of them really well. Dream nails where I go as Susan and have gone many time. Julies nails where I was going as my male self last year and one, I won’t mention the name but I went to this one probably 20 years ago to get a set of acrylics removed and when I thought they were going to trim them down to soak them off the lady just started snapping them off my nails, I never went back to that salon and still remember it. It is a fact of life as we tend to remember bad more than good so if we do go out and give 10 positive interactions with people and 1 bad one unfortunately what they will remember is the bad one so we really do need to be aware how we act when out.

On the good side we really are important as we are each an ambassador for the transgender community and we are what is shaping peoples views and helping transgender people become more accepted and maybe in a few years we will just be viewed as just another person out and we won’t need the title transgender. I guess what I am saying is be respectful of others and we will be respected. Now I stayed at Starbucks till about 6 before going home to make dinner.

If you read my blog from yesterday you saw my nails but the color really doesn’t show up so I found this picture online, not my nails but this is the color of my nails. Now I do have a thinner layer of acrylic so more natural looking and a lot shorter of course over the next 3 weeks they will grow out and look more like this picture, of course to get this long would take 3 to 4 months. Sorry this is a little longer of a blog.

Be happy in your life and love who you are. Thanks for reading my blog and sharing this part of my life with me.